I Can Do Hard Things

This is my life.

This is my story.

This is my journey.

This is my testimony.

And it is all by His grace!

Framing the words of my testimony is a chant that has gotten to be quite popular in this world. It goes like this: “I can do whatever I decide to do and God will give me His blessing or assistance for its completion.” Among those who repeat it regularly are individuals who want to lose weight, amass wealth, earn degrees, win competitions, etc.

Naturally, people cling to such a mantra because it seemingly places humanity in control. Further still, it appears to be validated by Philippians 4:13, which reads,

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

But is that the true tenor of this famous passage?

The context depicted in Paul’s letter to the Philippians indicates otherwise. Highlighting adversities and harsh conditions, Paul exhorts believers to obey and love God, to serve God and others at all times and in all circumstances with gratitude and contentment. In other words, the one who professes to believe in Christ is invited to trust God in such a way that, come trials or triumphs, sickness or health, rain or shine, plenty or want, such a one can say, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

So, let me take it home.

I am a Christ-follower.

I am to see every situation (rosy or dark) facing me as an opportunity to proclaim, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Hmmm. 

Let me be honest.

When life is rosy, I for one tend to think I deserve it. When I am recognized for a great feat or a kind deed, I tend to think I did it in my own strength. And when difficult circumstances rear their ugly heads, discontent seeks to destroy me by directing its “Woe is me” sermon to my fragile heart. My bent is doomed to fail, to fall, to falter, to flounder.

Thankfully, Grace comes to the rescue.

Instead of allowing me to wallow and wander aimlessly in self-pity, Grace leads me home to the place where I realize that I. Can. Do. Hard. Things.

Hard.

Tough.

Difficult.

Unpopular.

Problematic.

Indeed, I can do hard things through the strengthening grace of Christ:

I can sit in a roofless room as my 3-year old self watches my family's belongings being drenched by a merciless downpour.

I can trudge onward as my 6-year old heart gets shredded and torn by jeers and jabs from bullies left and right in my neighborhood.

I can quietly take the blame for an indiscretion my 9-year old self did not commit, and humbly stomach the severe beating meant for another child who was too frail to undergo it herself.

I can live to tell of my suicidal attempt at the age of 10 when I reached a point of utter despair, depression, and despondency over the incessant bullying that was my lot from morning till night.

I can move beyond the shock of my 11-year old eyes witnessing the fatal burning of a young adult male whose unfortunate sin was the joining of the wrong Haitian political party.

I can survive the enduring of a shameful season of sexual harassment and subsequent abuse that threatened to undo my pursuit of dignity, stability, and worth.

I can taste fame as a Christian contemporary singer in my teenage years and swallow its accompanying potion of gossip, slander, and malice reserved for those in the limelight.

I can wait through a long embargo period imposed on Haiti by the United Nations and the US before being granted access to a solid college education.

I can go through months and months of 10 meals a week at Biola, choosing to rely on the delights of Chopin and Schubert to shush my rumbling stomach in the Crowell Hall practice rooms.

I can lean on my Song Literature professor at Penn State as my salty tears stained her blouse the day when two planes caused the World Trade Center towers to crumble to pieces, killing thousands in their wake.

I can finish a tear-jerking doctoral recital the day after a friend and fellow Eastman student -- brilliant and promising -- was tragically killed in one of the most preventable car crashes known to homo sapiens.

I can sit in front of a TV screen and watch my childhood home crumbled and Haitian historic sites pancaked by a 7.0 earthquake in the presence of a horrified world.

I can choose to forgo taking the bait of self-righteousness, learning rather to forgive and overlook slurs, accusations, insults, and slanderous words. I can surrender my trials, snares, finances, emotions, relationships, strivings to the Father.

I can receive phone calls telling me my father had a fatal heart attack, my brother's body was mutilated, my brother/friend died while trying to reach a hospital, my sister succumbed to cancer at a young age . . . weathering storm after storm after storm . . . entering valley after valley of the shadow of death . . .

I can weep yet not lose heart. I can walk yet not faint. I can be struck and turn the other cheek. I can face mourning at night yet dance in the morning. I can reveal my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I can sing.

I can trust God.

I can walk in faith.

I can do hard things.

And it is all because of Christ.

Obituary: Nawnly Judith Brutus

Well-known Haitian singer, Nawnly Judith Brutus, died Monday, July 21, 2014 at Holy Cross Hospital in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Her express request stipulates that her post mortem body be kept out of the public eye in order for her to be remembered as the vibrant, energetic, and charismatic person that she was in life. A memorial service, thus, will be held in her honor on Saturday, August 2, 2014 at Église Baptiste Béthanie located at 2200 NW 12th Avenue, Fort Lauderdale, FL 33311. In tandem and in the presence of other family members and friends who are unable to come to Florida, another memorial will be held in Fort Worth, Texas where she will be laid to rest.

With birth parents Jude Elien Brutus (deceased) and Berthe Elimène Calixte, Nawnly Judith was born on May 6, 1974 in Lapointe des palmistes, Haiti, and became the daughter of the late minister Dessan Lilite and his wife, Tulia Morvan Lilite. Having graduated from the prominent ENARTS School in Haiti, she sang a varied repertoire including oratorio, opera, Christian contemporary, jazz, and Konpa boosting the Haitian scene with a noteworthy discography. Her fame came from winning the second prize at the 1998 Konkou Chante Nwel (Christmas Song Contest) in Haiti and singing with top Haitian group Alabanza for 13 consecutive years. Most recently, she founded Music & Arts, Inc., an organization with a mission to train and assist young artists in various genres.

She will be remembered as a visionary, a rock, and a pillar in the lives of many. She was a fierce overcomer of challenges, a daughter who loved her parents, a sister who selflessly gave of herself, a cousin and an aunt who cared, and a loyal friend to a fault.

In addition to both of her fathers, she was preceded in death by her twin brother, Jude Eben, and her brother, Simon Serléus. She is survived by her grandmother, Sagrace Brutus; birth mom, Berthe Elimène Calixte, and siblings, Gilbert, Emmanuel, and Julienne; mom, Tulia; siblings, Jeanne Pierre and her husband, Madère, Jean Osee Lilite and his wife, Jodèle, Azer Lilite and his wife, Johane, Obedda Lilite Alexis and her husband, Henry, Magda Lilite Bonny and her husband, Manassé, Louima Lilite and his wife, Dephanie, Ecclesiaste Theodore and his wife, Rosa, Serléus Simon’s wife, Margarette; aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews, and friends.

Gone Too Soon: Nawnly Judith Brutus

Nawnly Judith Brutus

1974 - 2014

For the sake of clarification, let me say that I have learned from the Word of God to define family as a group of persons who have been granted the grace of choosing to commit to their kinship out of selfless love as opposed to merely acknowledging the commonly accepted mandates of birth, blood, adoption, or marriage. Being the youngest of my family, I have never had any reason to think of anyone of my siblings (by birth, adoption, or faith) as anything other than a full brother or sister. And so, Nawnly Judith was always my sister -- beloved, cherished, and treasured -- in life as she now is in this dark hour.

Her soul departed her body around 4 p.m. EST at Holy Cross Hospital in Fort Lauderdale, FL on the 21st day of July 2014.

Many have penned, called, and shared their utter shock and dismay upon receiving the news of my sister's recent passing. To be sure, I understand and appreciate the concerns that have been voiced:

"She was so young."
"She was so beautiful."
"She was so very gifted."
"She was so compassionate."

In the end, death is no respecter of youth, beauty, giftedness, or compassion; it preys on the unsuspected and snatches the life out of wise or fool from one molecule to the next. Still, in response to hundreds of questions, I find myself in the position of wanting to relay a bit of perspective on this unfortunate fait accompli.

I remember eight months ago this very night, my brother Simon Serleus was abducted, tortured, and assassinated. Two days later, grief-stricken Nawnly Judith called me to inform me that her oncologist thought there was some life-threatening activity in her body. I decided then and there that I would leave my duties in Oklahoma for a while to further investigate the doctor's statement.

Cancer.

My first visit to Holy Cross had the effect of a cold shower on my system. I learned right away that I was facing a truly fierce opponent in her disease despite my sister's generous smile and upbeat nature. Visit after visit, waiting room after waiting room, seeing doctor after doctor who may or may not be able to help her rare and aggressive cancer, I simply found myself struggling. My mind was at war with my heart -- I knew what I knew and I knew what I desired. Through the internal war, however, God beckoned me to be still so He could teach me . . .

And as He taught, my questions led me to find out that it really began in September of 2012 when she first felt a small lump in her left breast. An overachiever like her brother, she kept herself too busy to dwell upon it too much. The lump was further overshadowed by an overloaded work schedule, our parents' 50th anniversary celebration in Fort Worth, TX, a big competition, a concert sponsored by her budding company Music & Arts, Inc., our father's death, and an altogether frenetic Fall 2012 season. In October 2012, she became aware of an increasing discomfort causing her to alter her lifelong habit of sleeping on her stomach. It gradually deteriorated though no one knew of her condition.

On December 24, 2012, Nawnly Judith was on her way home from work when she began experiencing some pain in her left breast deemed much more acute. She made it home, took a shower, but then decided to drive to the hospital, and checked herself in. Her ER visit in Coral Springs, FL ended up being a 6-day stay. It was there that she was first diagnosed with cancer.

At the beginning of January 2013, she began receiving health treatments at Holy Cross -- an excellent Catholic HealthCare provider -- and underwent surgery to install a port in preparation for the eventual chemo treatments intended for her left breast. She was then diagnosed with advanced left breast invasive ductal carcinoma triple negative.

If you are anything like me, you will likely not understand the diagnosis. So, allow me to enlighten you:

That long name means serious business. It is medical code for a type of cancer testing negative for estrogen, progesterone, and hormone-receptive protein. Again, that means, this type of cancer has no estrogen receptors, no progesterone receptors, and barely expresses hormone receptivity. Since most breast cancer treatments rely on the above three elements for any hope of recovery, the only treatment option for my dear sister was a combination of surgery and radiation therapy bookended by chemotherapy, a combination which oncologists warn may or may not work for this rare disease. Statistics are quite low in terms of survival rate.

Not easily discouraged, Nawnly Judith decided to enter the battle. In the spring of 2013, she underwent six cycles of highly concentrated TAC chemotherapy that ended in May 2013. Being young and vibrant, her body responded very well to the chemo. Of course, her experience was not unlike most cancer patients -- hair loss, extreme fatigue, etc. -- but the oncologist was hopeful especially with an ensuing bilateral mastectomy (the surgical removal of both breasts) at the close of treatment. For reasons far too painful for me to explain, that option did not materialize.

October 2013 came with increased pain and concern, which drew my sister to contact Holy Cross again. Upon establishing that the original 2.4 cm tumor had returned and grown to 13 cm in size, the surgeon aptly removed the left breast and nine lymph nodes that were malignant. However, at the time of the operation, the surgeon spotted what are called positive margins (points of living cancer cells that are outside the range of the targeted area). In other words, the surgery could not take all of the cancer out -- and that certainly became a definite issue of concern.

It was at that point that her illness reached a critical stage. Her pain grew more and more intense on a daily basis. The once unflinching woman turned into someone who could no longer handle listening to test results or other medical options, leading me to become her spokesperson. For the remaining seven months of her life, God used me to engage in on-going conversations with the team of doctors, nurses, and supportive staff members assigned to her care.

Having spent grueling moments with her at the hospital and at home, I can say that Nawnly was by far the most courageous patient I have ever seen. She was a born fighter and she gave her absolute best to combat her cancer.

Yet her last sixteen hours on earth were her absolute hardest. Not feeling well, she was taken to the ER and was admitted in the wee hours of July 21. Her moaning and restlessness, picked up from the phone as I talked with her healthcare providers, will forever remain etched in my memory. Shortness of breath, low blood pressure, dropping platelets, and other medical complications combined their efforts to snatch away her precious breath -- that sine qua non element of her spark and song.

Her last earthly breath occurred at 4:00 pm EST.
Her first heavenly breath occurred outside the constraints of time.

So, of course, she was young, beautiful, gifted, and compassionate. Of course, she looked fine, healthy, vibrant, and upbeat. But the cancer never stopped working against her, though undetected by others. I wonder how many others are suffering silently and imperceptibly even now. May we remember that death lurks about seeking unsuspecting souls to devour. Would you and I be ready to meet this all too often unwelcome guest?

Nawnly Judith Brutus was ready because she gave her heart to Christ.

What a valiant warrior!
Cancer may seem to have won this round but the war has been won by Christ.
My sister flew to Jesus free, utterly free, completely cancer-free, and I am ecstatic!

How Easy

Father,

Time is fleeting.
How easy it is to trust in the temporal
when all around us swirls the eternal!

Money is riveting.
How easy it is to forget, should riches increase, 
we need not set our sights or affections on them!

Hearts are palpitating.
How easy it is to be seduced, enticed, and lured
by the counterfeit idols the flesh and this world offer!

Feet are constantly slipping.
How easy it is to stumble, falter, slip, fall, and sink
when we forget our calling is to trust in You at all times!

Holy One,
Lead us, teach us, guide us, steer us, shepherd us
to pour our hearts and minds and bodies out to You.

In You alone, O precious Master,
can be found true solace, true peace, true comfort, true hope.
Amen.

Plain Hungry

Your alcoholic father
Your negligent mother
Your cheating husband
Your pocket-emptying wife
Your human praise addicted self

. . . needs NOT blame but nourishment.

Your prodigal son
Your rash daughter
Your bankrupt uncle
Your contentious aunt
Your entitled, ungrateful self

. . . needs NOT accusation but spiritual food.

We harbor resentment and nurse bitterness when it comes to others who have violated our sense of justice.
We practice self-loathing and binge on depression when we fail to meet our own standards of right and wrong.

Yet no matter how low anyone of us scores on the "goodness" test, Scripture recognizes that our wickedness is really spiritual hunger and thus invites us to eat:

     -  "Taste and see that the Lord is good" (Ps 34:8).

     -  "Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare" (Is 55:2).

     -  "Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Matt 4:4).

     -  "Feed my lambs" (Jn 21:15).

The aim of the gospel is not to crush you and me under the load of guilt; shaming does not work, does not help, does nothing good. Rather, the gospel seeks to guide our grumbling stomachs to the gracious Kitchen of a Father who delights in saying:

Eat.
Feed.
Live.

Often, we mean well. We merely want to self-transcend, to become better than we are, to perform at a high level of "rightness" -- whatever that means. AND we demand the same or more from others. 

And so, we . . .

nag
label
argue
nitpick
bemoan
condemn

. . . leave no room for grace -- the vitamin ensuring spiritual growth in the bride of Christ.

Friend, here is a word of encouragement for today: 

Each time you and I lean toward applying blame and condemnation in any given situation (The Lord knows such circumstances are plenty in this world), might we learn to see that, with every temptation, Grace invites us to eat at Christ's banqueting table? Might our eyes be opened to see each flaw as a call to feed others and ourselves a full portion of the Word that never returns void? Might our minds yield to the understanding that our lifeline is the living Bread, the true Vine, the Way and the Truth and the Life?

And how do we eat except by hearing and heeding what is written in the Holy Word? (Rev 1:3)

Indeed, the Word Incarnate is the food that truly satisfies all hunger.

A Letter from the Father

My beloved child,

I see you.
I hear you.
I embrace you.

I know you are easily tempted. 
I know the heart struggle that plagues you the most. 

Do realize, dear one, you are not alone; countless others are experiencing similar struggles. Simply do not let the deceiver confuse you with feelings of isolation in your battle against temptation -- the decision to have your way and will instead of Mine. It is hard for every child of Mine to imitate Jesus in saying, "Not my will but Yours be done!"

When feeling thus tempted, remember that I am not tempting you for I am not tempted by evil nor do I tempt any child of Mine. Be not deceived, My precious child. Every good and perfect gift comes from Me.

Get this: I am faithful. When the temptation is the fiercest, know that My strength is most available to you if you would but rely on Me. I will always provide a way of escape so that you can withstand the temptation. I delight in rescuing My beloved children from the vicious fangs of deceit and lies.

It will hearten you to remember that Jesus became a human being like you in every way. He did so in order to become a merciful and effective High Priest in service to Me; He did so to become the perfect Lamb slain on behalf of your sins. In becoming flesh, Jesus was tempted in every way like you. And because of His holiness, He grievously suffered each time He was tempted. And because He never gave in to sin, He is more than able to help you stand firm when you face your own temptations.

O, isn't it wonderful, sweet child of mine, to know you have a High Priest who can sympathize with your weaknesses, one who has been tempted in every way just as you are -- yet was and is and always will be without sin?  

Come now! 
Approach My throne of grace with gratitude and confidence.
Come now!
Find grace to help you in your time of deepest need.
Come now!
My Holy Spirit awaits you.

Love,

The Father