15 Reasons We Are Still Married Today

I woke up today.

My wife woke up today.

We are celebrating our 15^th anniversary today.
I am grateful we are both alive and still married to each other today.

Relatives, friends, colleagues, students, and even some acquaintances have dubbed us “the couple that epitomizes grace, kindness, love, and beauty.” Such generous words humble me because I intimately know the marriage we have.

I know when and where before the Godhead, our families, our friends, and others in attendance she and I giddily uttered, “I do” to each other. I know the particulars of the hot iron of adversity that has tried and tested our love and union all 5,479 days of our marriage. I also know where I have too often failed to remember the implications of my “I do”—truly seeing all that was once mine as ours to share and steward, come rain or shine, for the glory of God.

Indeed, I know our ups and downs. I know our rich and poor moments, our good and bad times, our successes and struggles, our ill and well days, our triumphs and trials. I know our learned lessons and growth pains, our doubts and uncertainties, our hopes and fears through the fifteen years following our wedding day.

In preparation for our celebration today, we watched our wedding video with our daughters last night. While it was euphoric to revisit that day with the girls through the lens of a VHS tape (Oh my! Do people even know what that is any more?), I was led to recognize that not all marriages are where ours is today. Some are non-existent because one or both partners have passed away. Some are special; others are nominal. Some are shaky; others are shut down. Yet ours still stands today. With all the grace granted me, please let me share 15 reasons that have kept me and my wife gratefully married to each other:

1. Grace. We have made it to this milestone because a divine hand has rendered it possible despite our human frailty. At any point during this 15-year stretch, one or both of us could have exited the marriage through death, separation, or divorce. Yet in the balance, through it all, being married to this incredible lady wins every single day. We do not deserve a special award for having figured out the mechanics of a successful marriage nor can we credit ourselves for any part of the blessedness we enjoy together. Every step, every moment, every day together is only by the grace of our gracious Father. And I am utterly grateful.
2. Gauge. We are still in the race because our marriage is fueled by the fierce love God demonstrates to us and measured by our daily response to the gospel. The more aware each spouse is of their need for the Father, the more each one of us yearns for and accepts the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, the more our eyes are drawn to see Christ as our sole righteousness and defense, the more my bride and I love and cherish each other. Our personal relationship with God is the gauge of success in our union.
3. Covenant. We are still married because, daily, my wife and I are called to recognize the covenant of marriage as no more and no less than a symbolic gift mirroring the union between Christ and the church. Earthly marriage is but a shadow of the love that Christ possesses for His beloved bride—a commitment that is sealed over His own heart, a passion that is tattooed by long rusty nails on Christ’s own hands and feet, an unfailing devotion that is stronger than death and more determined than the grave. Imitating Christ, we are thus led to remain true and faithful to the promise we made to the One who gave us to each other.
4. Exercise. We are still known as husband and wife because we have learned that marriage is like a muscle. It becomes stronger through exercise yet atrophies from lack of use. So, we are reminded daily to bid our single selves adieu and embrace life as true and complete married partners—consulting each other first before making decisions, assessing whether or not we have a consensus, partaking in the full benefits of our partnership in every area of life. We are also reminded of the truth and need of self-transcendence—we give each other room to grow and change under the expert hand of Christ. As Christ transforms us into His likeness, our marriage too grows more winsome.
5. Sacrifice. Our marriage still stands because the Word teaches us that Christ’s love for the church is the scale upon which we are to weigh our love for one another. Often, we are lured to base our love on what our eyes see or what our hearts desire but we are gratefully reminded of Christ who carried His cross to Golgotha and gave Himself up for His bride. We too are called to sacrifice daily any trace of selfish bent—the right to put ourselves first (Phil 2:3-4), the right to gossip (Prov 16:28; 2 Cor 12:20), the right to take revenge (Rom 12:19-20), the right to indulge our lustful habits (Matt 5:27-30), the right to express our sexuality in ways that contradict God’s plan (1 Cor 6:18-20), the right to whine and grumble (Phil 2:14), the right to worry (Matt 6:25-34), the right to spend our money however we please (Lk 9:57-58), the right to understand God’s plan before we obey (Heb 11:8), the right to conform to the world and fit in comfortably (Rom 12:2; Gal 1:10), the right to do whatever feels good (Gal 5:16-17; 1 Pe 4:2). Our eternal marriage to Christ invites us to give up our rights in our earthly marriage because our Lord has done a thorough job in bringing us to Him and to each other.
6. Prayer. We are still married today because of continual, unceasing prayer. John 17 tells us that Christ prays on behalf of the church—that includes us as individuals and as married partners. The Holy Spirit Himself prays on our behalf in wordless groans (Rom 8:26) especially when, embroiled in struggle and shame, we do not know how to pray. Several relatives and friends have committed themselves to praying for the success of our marriage on a daily basis. And as far as we are concerned, nothing unites our hearts more readily than the moments we set aside for the two of us to actually pray together or pray on each other’s behalf regarding mundane and/or serious matters. I can only hope we will take advantage of such moments more and more till death do us part.
7. Perspective. We have made it to our 15^th anniversary because, when tempted to throw in the towel, we are reminded from the Word that no marital hurdle is too difficult for the heavenly Husbandman, no conjugal issue is too thorny for the One who created marriage in the first place. So we go to Him whose wisdom brought us to this union. We go to trusted friends and counselors who will point us right back to the power of the wonderful Cross. We go to each other to reassess and realign our hearts under the authority of Christ who is the head of the church.
8. Communication. We are still married to each other because the Lord has blessed my wife with the ability and the inclination to be direct with me. There is no beating around the bush, no wishing, no guessing; I know exactly where I stand on any given day. When issues arise (Oh boy! So very many in 15 years), she speaks up. I wish I could say that I always choose the way of the gospel in my response but I can say this: I have learned that communication is the key that both unlocks and locks a relationship. As I receive that truth, I see more and more that Christ is the One who truly communicates through us and to us. He is the One who brings up the difficult topics I would rather ignore. He is the One who perseveres through us in seasons of conflict. He is the One who brings peace when one or both of us are losing control. He is the One who reveals and appeases the volcanic fires that could easily consume our marriage.
9. Protection. We are still moving forward because we pray for the grace to heed the advice of guarding the heart of our marriage at all costs. The devil, the world, and the flesh bombard us constantly with all kinds of negative influences that could attack the sanctity and stability of our relationship. However, remaining in the Vine of Christ, we are shielded from those darts.
10. Vocation. We are still together because our job description as a husband-wife team is found in God’s Word. God has uniquely designed each one of us to fulfill specific roles in His Kingdom. He has created me to encourage people, to listen, to teach, to brighten faces and hearts with words/songs of kindness and grace. He has blessed my wife with the gift of clarity in speaking truth, in diagnosing problems, in demanding excellence, in creating a home environment conducive to growth. Our job is to get out of each other’s way in order that we may tackle the tasks Heaven has put on our plates. When we don’t, we are miserable and that feeling affects our marriage negatively. When we do, we truly delight in the blessedness of working for the Lord together—our marriage thrives on that.
11. Prioritization. We are still married because the Lord graciously teaches us of the need to put Him first. Every once in a while, things are thrown out of balance because we try to put our marriage first or, worse, we try to put each individual first. It does not work any other way; Christ is first. If He is first, then everything will follow suit: our children, our hearts, our conversations, our vacations, our dinners, our gifts to each other will reflect and promote His Kingdom on earth. This is a reason we get to revisit often especially when life’s trials and distractions are pressuring us to prioritize anything but Christ.
12. Forgiveness. I am still married to my wife because she typifies forgiveness as far as I am concerned. When I join her stance and refuse to take the bait of getting offended, our marriage runs so much more smoothly. We are encouraged to make up our minds to forgive both small and huge offenses because Christ has forgiven us so much more. The affronts we both have had to forgive, the obstacles we have had to face and overcome are used by God to make our love grow. They have taught us the value of being the first one to yield, apologize, extend grace, and forgive.
13. Intimacy. We are still married because of emotional, sexual, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy or relatedness. We have learned that the longer we go without connecting emotionally, sexually, intellectually, and spiritually, the more susceptible we are to temptations outside of marriage. We are committed to eradicating words like divorce, separation, and emotional isolation from our vocabulary. And so, we are striving to learn more about ways in which to pursue each other’s heart, body, mind, and soul in romantic and practical terms. We want to be holistically connected because such a level of intimacy reflects the union Christ desires between Him and His bride.
14. Service. Our marital bond grows more secure through acts and hearts of service. We pray often that God would grant us the desire to “wash each other’s feet” in humility through acts of kindness and love especially when it is inconvenient. This is where “in sickness and in health” becomes truly important. In my long grieving season of late, my wife has been such a formidable wall of support for my spinning head. She has often been the pillow upon which I lay my head, the understanding glance that would take the girls out of our bedroom so I could weep freely, the gracious hand that pats me on the back forcing me to trust it will all be fine in God’s time, the kind heart that stays up late to help prepare what I need for the next day.
15. Manners. Lastly, we are still married today because of the gracious principles our respective mothers instilled in us. I cannot find someone who is more lady-like than the stunning bride I have been given. Her lips part effortlessly to grace the world with her “please” and “thank you.” She does not take me for granted. I, for my part, strive daily to treat her like royalty because she is the daughter of the King. Her Abba Father watches me from above. He intimately knows whether my inner attitude and outer behavior agree. Good manners have gone a long way in keeping our blessed knot secure for the past 15 years.

In the end, the first reason—grace—is the glue that keeps us united. It is grace that both keeps and leads us home. It is grace that keeps honey flowing and coats both of our hearts to the glory of God. It is God’s faithful grace that will cause our marriage to last and prevail though the mountains quake and fall into the heart of the sea.

“O to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be!”