"Let It Go"

The ultra popular Disney song "Let It Go" has consumed the minds and hearts of millions if not billions of people. Everybody sings it, covers it, refers to it . . . or hates it. For me, I find it interesting that its fame coincided with my 2014 pursuit or theme.

"Let it go."
Easier 'sung' than done.
Trust me; I spent a whole year trying.

I am alive, awake, and sincerely thankful to have breath in my lungs and nostrils as I pen these words on this final day of 2014. I do not take it for granted because untold numbers breathed their last in the course of this past year, including two precious siblings. It will take quite a while to let go fully of such painful memories.

SURRENDER has been my word for the past 365 days. I learned and learned. One of the lessons that challenged me the most in 2014 was the alphabet of surrender God enabled me to draft in January:

"Acquiesce

Back down

Concede

Defer

Empty

Forswear

Give up

Hand over

Incline

Jettison

Knuckle under

Lay down one's arms

Mete out one's holdings

Nullify one's preferences

Obey the Word

Pray to the Lord

Quit a life of rebellion

Relinquish control

Submit to Christ

Turn over

Unveil each thought, word, and action

Vacate the dungeon of mire

Waive the white flag

X-radiate one's pride

Yield one's rights

Zero in on renouncing . . .

. . . anything and everything that stands in the way of a completely surrendered, cross-centered life."

I did not surrender 100%, dear friends.

Not even close.

I cried.

I panted.

I debated.

I connived.

Perhaps this is one more reason for me to be grateful for grace: at the end of 2014, I find my performance wanting. I find myself still clinging to control in far too many areas. Yet, as the Father looks at me, it is Christ's performance He evaluates -- not my own.

True, 2014 was my hardest year thus far, and if I live through 2015 I'm sure it will be my hardest year yet. So, I look forward to the day, the hour, the minute, the second I will truly "let it go" and surrender all control to Christ.

Thank you, 2014, for all you have taught me thus far.

May I learn even more in the remaining hours prior to your exit!

How Will This Be?

"How will this be," Mary asked the angel,

"since I am a virgin?"

The angel answered,

"The Holy Spirit will come on you,

and the power of the Most High will overshadow you."

Lk 1:34-35, NIV

Hundreds of times (if not well over a thousand) I have read or heard the above passage. Today, however, it strikes my eardrums in a new way and beckons me to linger for a while in thought. 

I am no woman but I can relate to Mary completely as a person. 

Who wouldn't fret upon seeing an angel?

Who wouldn't wonder about their shortcomings?

Who wouldn't question the impossibility of the task?

Indeed, I find myself asking God over and over again, "How will this be since I am a 'virgin'?" Spiritually speaking, I am a 'virgin' because I do not consider myself intimately acquainted with the monumental tasks the Lord has set before me. I feel woefully deficient, or even laughable, when contemplating the paths God has called me to take. Every new corner reveals yet again to my heart that I am too little, too weak, too poor, too scant, too limited, too incompetent to accomplish anything truly worthwhile, anything that will withstand the test of time.

I find that I am nothing . . . 

                                      . . . yet the Lord is my everything!

And because He is my everything, the angel's response to Mary overwhelms my senses with joy:

"The Holy Spirit will come on you . . ."

It is not my spirit that can do anything for God; it is Christ's Spirit that strengthens my weak heart to do anything and everything He has prepared in advance for me to do. 

" . . . and the power of the Most High will overshadow you."

It is not the power of my diminutive self that can effect lasting change; it is the omnipotence of my Heavenly King that empowers my surrendered tongue to be a witness for Christ in my own Jerusalem, Judea and Samaria, and the ends of the earth.

Of course, looking at things from an earthly perspective, I cannot pull off on my own all the things the Father has called me to do:

I cannot love Him with all I am, all I have, and all I hope to be. I cannot love my fellow human being as I truly love myself. I cannot be the perfect Christ-follower, husband, father, son, brother, friend, teacher, singer, pianist, writer, speaker, gardener, etc. that I desire to be. 

Apart from Him I can do nothing.

And so I appreciate the angel's response. 

His words resonate with my life so tangibly. 

As I face the worries and fears accompanying the heavenly tasks set before me, it is reassuring to be reminded of the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel, "Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit." (Zech 4:6, NIV)

What joy!
What peace!

It is not my job to achieve anything in my own power.
It is my calling to receive the power that enables me to bear fruit in Christ.

I need to lean my weakness on the Father's omnipotence. I need to surrender my inadequacies to His perfection. I need to be reminded of His Spirit coming upon me. I need to rehearse daily that the Lord stands poised and ready to overshadow me, to take over the reins of my heart, and to perform wonders in the world through me.

No fear in my heart
No frailty in my being
No frustration in my mind

No feebleness attached to me at all can hamper or hinder God's sure work in the world. His Spirit will come upon me and overshadow me, through thick and thin, plenty and want, to advance His Kingdom.

Thank You, Father!

Prayer: Hands-Free Living

W. S. Bowden writes, "Prayer is weakness leaning on omnipotence."

I am weak.
God is omnipotent.

How can I not trust Grace?
How can I not lean on Strength?
How can I not surrender to Omnipotence?

When I am but a bruised reed, I am reminded that He will not break me. When life's fires turn my spirit into a smoldering wick, I am heartened that He will not snuff me out. When I am bowed with depression, embittered by disappointments and distresses, I am called to stay my mind on the truth that the Lover of my soul will never betray or abandon me. It is His joy to build His kingdom with the broken things of earth such as you and me -- lame, blind, deaf, mute, fooled, crushed, woe-stricken, sin-sick.

He forgives sins.
He heals diseases.
He binds up wounds.
He strengthens weaklings.
He redeems lives from pitfalls.

Indeed, when I am the saddest failure, the sorriest joke, the weakest link, I am encouraged to look . . .

not backwards
or forward
or sideways

. . . but upward -- the direction that declutters my mind and enables me to see and hear Christ only, the Light of the world.

So, in prayer . . .

I yield
I surrender
I entrust myself
                 
                    . . . I come today.

I relinquish my tears, bruises, heartaches, wounds, failures, affronts, sorrows, and the like, to the glorious hands of the Maker of all things bright and beautiful and good.

I surrender.
I tender the reins to Him.
I want to live hands free from this day forward.

Advent Day 25: No Room

Unrequited love is a spicy ingredient used in every drama cooked in any kitchen of true storytelling. Person A loves person B; however, the sentiment is not reciprocated. Every author describes it -- Shakespeare, Goethe, Sondheim, Gilbert . . . It certainly ensues that the Author of all life would not only describe it but would experience it fully.

"He was despised and rejected." 

Isaiah 53:3, ESV

Scripture informs us that this amazing Lover was famously rejected as an adult male following a vibrant ministry focused on teaching people how to love -- genuinely love. The royals, the teachers of the Law, His countrymen, robbers, rascals, and even His own brothers esteemed Him not.

Adding insult to injury, He received no hospitality and no consideration worthy of His love even while still in the womb (Luke 2:1-7). When the time came for the Christ-child to be born, doors kept closing. Innkeepers all around Bethlehem, it is to be presumed, simply shooed away pregnant Mary and weatherworn Joseph with a two-word grunt—No room!

Two thousand years separate me from said innkeepers and, armed with smugness and self-righteousness, I find it easy to call out their inhospitable manner. Yet, how often do I personally become an inconsiderate and insolent innkeeper refusing admittance to the Prince of peace and the Lord of lords? All too often I give Him the silent treatment by not responding to His repeated calls. All too often I keep my door shut—preferring my pity parties, clinging to my worthless idols, listening to the usurper’s lies, and denying access to the One whose love is the very air I need to live. All too often I foolishly utter, “No room.” 

Perhaps, it is the above line of reasoning that inspired John W. Peterson to pen these haunting lines:

“No room, only a manger of hay

No room, He is a stranger today

No room, here in His world turned away

No room, no room

No room, here in the hearts of mankind

No room, no cheery welcome could find

No room, surely the world is blind

No room, no room

No room, angels in heaven up yonder

No room, watch with amazement and wonder

To see the Son of the Highest treated so

No room, no room, no room.”

No room . . . what a dreary response! Gratefully, the Agape love of the Coming One is so generous and gracious that He does not readily take no for an answer. He persists in coming and knocking and speaking and revealing and wooing and inviting and pleading and investing until Christ is believed, revered, loved in return, and granted the seat of honor in the inn of our hearts.

Advent thus calls us to anticipate, expect, desire, and yearn for the Highest monarch who lovingly beckons to occupy the lowly hearts of men and women. It is His coming that fills the crevices of our souls with His fullness.

That is the transforming love of Advent.
That is divine grace at its finest.

“O, come to my heart, Lord Jesus

There is room in my heart for Thee.”

Advent Day 24: A Mother's Love

Most people have only one person to refer to when they think of their mom -- the person who gave them birth or the woman who has adopted them. For me, I have four different mothers (listed chronologically below):

1) Manmie -- the one who carried me in her womb, raised me in Haiti, and taught me God's Word.
2) Momma -- the one who introduced me to classical music and higher thought, and who also grasped my fragile heart in the hostile and depressing world of my teenage years.
3) Pami -- the one who opened her home to me in college and counseled me through myriad thorny issues as a young adult.
4) Mom -- the one who gave birth to my wife and who embraced me as a true son in all the senses of the term.

Each one of the women mentioned above encapsulates one or more aspects of motherhood that I undoubtedly needed (and still need) to grow into the man I am becoming every single day. The heart that is being nurtured in me for God and for my fellow human being -- I am sure of it -- is directly linked to the exposure I have been granted to these four amazing mothers in my life.

They love me.
They pray for me.
The care about me.

As I think of their impact on my heart, I am blessed to see a strong connection between motherhood and the Advent of our Lord. This prophetic passage below gives further insight:

" 'Who has ever heard of such a thing? Who has ever seen such things? Can a country be born in a day or a nation be brought forth in a moment? Yet no sooner is Zion in labor than she gives birth to her children. Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?' says the Lord. 'Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery?' says your God. Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice greatly with her, all you who mourn over her. For you will nurse and be satisfied at her comforting breasts; you will drink deeply and delight in her overflowing abundance . . . I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem." -- Isaiah 66:8-13, NIV

Indeed, motherhood is a blessing because the Lord likens Himself to a mother in His  coming to us. He says, "like a woman in childbirth, I cry out, I gasp and pant" (Isaiah 42:14). In giving "birth" to us, His coming leads the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths the Lord guides you and me -- just like my four mothers have done with me. The Coming One is poised to turn the darkness into light and make the rough places smooth -- just like my four mothers have often done with me in times of grief, confusion, frustration, and uncertainty.

And as far as comfort goes, how helpful these four mothers of mine have been to me in my long stretches of grief, worry, and loss. To think that the Coming One can comfort me so much more than these four women ever could simply blows my mind away. How grateful I am to know that His comfort is more than sufficient for my neediness!

If, my friend, you have not had a similar experience with your own mother, please take heart. If, my friend, your mother is no longer with you because of death, divorce, sickness, abandonment, or something else, please turn to Jesus. When you feel motherless, know that the Coming One is ready to take you, and nurse you, and carry you in His arms, and dandle you on His knees, and watch you grow, and comfort you, and talk to you, and walk with you, and give you the fullness of His love.

Yes, come to us, Lord Jesus!
Lead us to drink deeply and delight in Your overflowing abundance!

Advent Day 23: Defining Love

Good morning, friends, on this 23rd morning of Advent!

The anticipation of Christ's coming invites you and me to reflect upon the love the Father demonstrates or reveals to humanity. And what kind of love is that?

A love that sends.
A love that mends.
A love that blesses.
A love that stretches.
A love that enlightens.
A love that strengthens.

George Matheson calls it a love that will not let us go, one whereupon we can rest our weary souls; one to whom we owe our very lives; one in whose ocean depths the flow of our very lives may grow richer and fuller; one that seeks us through pain and promises us a tearless morning.

Alexander Means deems it wondrous:

"What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul,

What wondrous love is this, O my soul!

What wondrous love is this that caused the Lord of bliss

To bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul,

To bear the dreadful curse for my soul!

The apostle John who felt bold and secure enough to rest his head upon the bosom of Christ describes it in the following terms -- "In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10, ESV).

What about us?

How do we describe love?

How do we see the face of Christ in the humdrum of life on this earth?

How do our hearts perceive and receive the Coming One sent to sacrifice Himself on our behalf?

Does the darkness of frustrations, heartaches, pressures, diseases, addictions, and betrayals point us to the Light of the world who stepped down to open our eyes and set us free? Does the sting of apathy, lovelessness, and aloneness drive our hearts to await Immanuel, the Lover of our souls who is always with us? Does the weight of our blunders, mishaps, blemishes, and trespasses point us to the Lifter of our heads, the substitutionary Lamb who takes away the collective sin of the world?

If not for His blinding yet beautiful light, we would be the ones that keep walking in darkness. If not for His omnipresence, we would die in loneliness and shame. If not for His forgiveness and righteousness, we could never presume to enter the Holy of holies and commune with the Father in His holiness.

That rhetoric inspired Elvina M. Hall to pen these most endearing lyrics:

"Jesus paid it all

All to Him I owe

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow."

THAT is love.

That is the hand of Christ.

That is the beautiful love anthem of Jesus, the One who was and is and is to come.

"O come, let us adore Him! 

Advent Day 22: The Love of Advent

Good morning, friends, on this fourth Sunday of Advent!

The first three weeks of Advent, we were blessed to ponder the gifts of hope, peace, and joy. Today, as I begin pondering the gift of love for the fourth and final week of Advent 2014, Christina Rossetti's words are ministering to my heart:

"Love came down at Christmas

Love all lovely, love divine

Love was born at Christmas

Star and angels gave the sign.

Worship we the Godhead

Love incarnate, love divine

Worship we our Jesus

But wherewith for sacred sign?

Love shall be our token

Love shall be yours and love be mine

Love to God and to all men

Love for plea and gift and sign."

Love descended from above to earth in the person of Jesus, the Savior who is more precious than silver, more costly than gold, more beautiful than diamonds--He is the sign worthy to follow! Love took on flesh in the Son of God turned Son of Man so that the sons and daughters of men can turn into children of God--He is the deity worthy of worship! Love became the precious token that human hearts desire, crave, and seek--He is the prize worthy to pursue!

The love of Advent reveals the beauty, the grace, and the identifying feature of the gospel--"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35, NIV). And love, this jewel of a promise, is not identified by warm sentiments and goose bumps but by obedience to God's commands. Therefore, our obedience to God's precepts . . .

"The whole law is summed up in a single command: 

'Love your neighbor as yourself' (Galatians 5:14, NIV)."

                                                                                                  . . . is a gracious opportunity to agree with God, to defer to Him, and to serve His children.

"Truly He taught us to love one another,

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother

And in His name all oppression shall cease."

The Coming One makes it clear that loving means denying the self, sacrificing for the benefit of others, and giving to the point of death in order that new growth (or, rather, new life) can sprout and blossom. Paul echoes Christ's message in 1 Corinthians 15:36, "When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn't grow into a plant unless it dies first" (NLT). Dying to the self and obedience to the law of grace bring about much growth in us and in those around us. When we indulge the flesh, give full vent to our anger, and belittle our neighbors, neither they nor we grow closer to love. However, when we choose to allow God's Spirit to render us patient, truthful, considerate, and gracious, we are better equipped to influence others positively.

No one exhibits that kind of sacrificial love like the Coming One. The promised Messiah is the One and only who gave and gives and will continually give Himself up for the healing of a decaying world. Called to imitate Him, Advent reminds us that we have been given the invitation and the power through His grace to administer the healing balm of Christ's Agape love to a world that is ever moving toward its demise.

Indeed, may we gratefully receive His gift of love today!

Advent Day 21: Joy Found in Touching the Untouchables

Who are the "untouchables" in your life?

In a world pregnant with discrimination and hypocrisy, do you find yourself struggling with living too close to people who are different from you? Do you feel less inclined to give of your time, toil, and treasure to people with a different ethnic background, different sexual orientation, different religious beliefs, different economic status, different political values, etc.?

Advent calls you and me to touch the "untouchables" of our lives for joy is found in that point of contact.

Inching ever closer to December 25 (the day commonly held as a special time to commemorate and celebrate the coming of Jesus on earth), I find myself pondering more and more the promise of joy found in Advent. 

Joy. 

Deep joy.

Uncontainable joy.

Immeasurable and boundless joy.

This joy that Advent encapsulates, no earthly inducement can unearth it in human hearts and no earthly blaze can scorch it. This joy is immovable, invincible, irreversible, irreplaceable, inerasable. This joy is ever present because it is not circumstantial; it is based upon Immanuel in whose presence there is fullness of joy. 

This joy that Advent promises resides in a spirit of servant-heartedness. In fact the Coming One says it this way, 

"For I was hungry and you gave Me food; 

I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; 

I was a stranger and you took Me in; 

I was naked and you clothed Me; 

I was sick and you visited Me; 

I was in prison and you came to Me . . . 

Assuredly, I say to you, 

inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, 

you did it to Me." 

Matthew 25:35-36 & 40, NKJV 

In other words, the joy of Advent is not about the spirit of entitlement that causes us to "take, take, take" but the spirit of compassion that teaches us to "give, give, give." 

Find joy in giving love.
Find joy in giving grace.
Find joy in giving kindness.
Find joy in giving compassion.

Do you and I desire such joy today? Advent calls us to anticipate seeing Christ in the needy places of this world. Advent invites us to see not only the favored few but each orphan, each widow, each homeless traveler, each wayward father, each grieving face, each broken heart as an opportunity to serve and show love and exercise compassion. It reminds us to live in anticipation of the Savior not only when it is convenient but every hour, every minute, and every second of every day.

And such joy is impossible to have or maintain from a human perspective; however, "with God nothing will be impossible." It is His hand that comes to enable us to offer a sip of water to a thirsty child, His heart that comes to ennoble ours to love and touch the "untouchables" of this world for His glory.

Yes, come to our hearts, Lord Jesus!

Advent Day 20: Joy Within Our Reach

16^th century writer Fra Giovanni’s words grip my heart today:

“ . . . No peace lies in the future

which is not hidden

in this present little instant.

Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow. 


Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. 


There is radiance and glory in the darkness, 


could we but see; 
and to see, we have only to look. 


I beseech you to look . . ." 


-- Extracted from "A Christmas Greeting"

As I ponder the above thoughts through the lens of Advent, I can honestly say that my heart rejoices in God and my soul magnifies the Lord. I have joy because God has granted my ordinary brain the grace to understand that the promised One came, has come, comes over and over, and will indeed come to open our eyes, minds, hearts, and bodies to receive Him fully.

In doing so, He graciously brings us to the realization that we are too easily distraught by the gloom of this world, too readily appalled by the choices of others. Those presumably to the right of an issue and those to the left tend to be equally annoyed by the inability of their opponents to see "the truth"--famously believed to be each person's favored wish. Yet there can only be one truth: we are called to love . . . meaning, to sacrificially extend grace to one another. If that which is being raised, shared, debated, or discussed violates this one truth, is it truly worth our time?

Time means living.

Daily I am learning that we know not when we will run out of time on this earth. Papi (my father) and Simon (my brother) abruptly lost their lives within 14 months of each other. I had planned much to do with them but alas! . . . And just this past summer, my sister left us due to cancer. Do you and I know how much time we have left? Therefore, we pray to the One who stands ready to enlighten and enliven us, "Teach us to number our days aright that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:2).

Living means loving.

Loving does not mean sweeping matters under the rug; it means the other person is important enough to be fully heard and respectfully treated. Loving does not mean agreeing on every point; it means embracing the humility that we do not make the final call—the other person could be right. Loving means grace wins over condemnation every time.

As Immanuel comes toward us, He mercifully uses every event, every issue, every heartache, and every relationship to echo His joyous call to humanity found in each book, each chapter, each verse, and each word from the holy Scriptures.

In His gracious love, the Coming One offers Himself to each person, pleading and serenading: "Come, come, come!" He bids us take our eyes off of the shadow. He beckons us to come and look upon His radiant face. He continually invites us to come to Him when we are thirsty or wounded or confused or lonely or rejected or depressed or beaten or dry or . . . the list goes on and on . . . and the call echoes and re-echoes the beauty of His heart in endless wonder.

No wonder our hearts sing:

"O come, O come, Immanuel . . . 

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Immanuel shall come to thee, O Israel."

15 Reasons We Are Still Married Today

I woke up today.

My wife woke up today.

We are celebrating our 15^th anniversary today.
I am grateful we are both alive and still married to each other today.

Relatives, friends, colleagues, students, and even some acquaintances have dubbed us “the couple that epitomizes grace, kindness, love, and beauty.” Such generous words humble me because I intimately know the marriage we have.

I know when and where before the Godhead, our families, our friends, and others in attendance she and I giddily uttered, “I do” to each other. I know the particulars of the hot iron of adversity that has tried and tested our love and union all 5,479 days of our marriage. I also know where I have too often failed to remember the implications of my “I do”—truly seeing all that was once mine as ours to share and steward, come rain or shine, for the glory of God.

Indeed, I know our ups and downs. I know our rich and poor moments, our good and bad times, our successes and struggles, our ill and well days, our triumphs and trials. I know our learned lessons and growth pains, our doubts and uncertainties, our hopes and fears through the fifteen years following our wedding day.

In preparation for our celebration today, we watched our wedding video with our daughters last night. While it was euphoric to revisit that day with the girls through the lens of a VHS tape (Oh my! Do people even know what that is any more?), I was led to recognize that not all marriages are where ours is today. Some are non-existent because one or both partners have passed away. Some are special; others are nominal. Some are shaky; others are shut down. Yet ours still stands today. With all the grace granted me, please let me share 15 reasons that have kept me and my wife gratefully married to each other:

1. Grace. We have made it to this milestone because a divine hand has rendered it possible despite our human frailty. At any point during this 15-year stretch, one or both of us could have exited the marriage through death, separation, or divorce. Yet in the balance, through it all, being married to this incredible lady wins every single day. We do not deserve a special award for having figured out the mechanics of a successful marriage nor can we credit ourselves for any part of the blessedness we enjoy together. Every step, every moment, every day together is only by the grace of our gracious Father. And I am utterly grateful.
2. Gauge. We are still in the race because our marriage is fueled by the fierce love God demonstrates to us and measured by our daily response to the gospel. The more aware each spouse is of their need for the Father, the more each one of us yearns for and accepts the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, the more our eyes are drawn to see Christ as our sole righteousness and defense, the more my bride and I love and cherish each other. Our personal relationship with God is the gauge of success in our union.
3. Covenant. We are still married because, daily, my wife and I are called to recognize the covenant of marriage as no more and no less than a symbolic gift mirroring the union between Christ and the church. Earthly marriage is but a shadow of the love that Christ possesses for His beloved bride—a commitment that is sealed over His own heart, a passion that is tattooed by long rusty nails on Christ’s own hands and feet, an unfailing devotion that is stronger than death and more determined than the grave. Imitating Christ, we are thus led to remain true and faithful to the promise we made to the One who gave us to each other.
4. Exercise. We are still known as husband and wife because we have learned that marriage is like a muscle. It becomes stronger through exercise yet atrophies from lack of use. So, we are reminded daily to bid our single selves adieu and embrace life as true and complete married partners—consulting each other first before making decisions, assessing whether or not we have a consensus, partaking in the full benefits of our partnership in every area of life. We are also reminded of the truth and need of self-transcendence—we give each other room to grow and change under the expert hand of Christ. As Christ transforms us into His likeness, our marriage too grows more winsome.
5. Sacrifice. Our marriage still stands because the Word teaches us that Christ’s love for the church is the scale upon which we are to weigh our love for one another. Often, we are lured to base our love on what our eyes see or what our hearts desire but we are gratefully reminded of Christ who carried His cross to Golgotha and gave Himself up for His bride. We too are called to sacrifice daily any trace of selfish bent—the right to put ourselves first (Phil 2:3-4), the right to gossip (Prov 16:28; 2 Cor 12:20), the right to take revenge (Rom 12:19-20), the right to indulge our lustful habits (Matt 5:27-30), the right to express our sexuality in ways that contradict God’s plan (1 Cor 6:18-20), the right to whine and grumble (Phil 2:14), the right to worry (Matt 6:25-34), the right to spend our money however we please (Lk 9:57-58), the right to understand God’s plan before we obey (Heb 11:8), the right to conform to the world and fit in comfortably (Rom 12:2; Gal 1:10), the right to do whatever feels good (Gal 5:16-17; 1 Pe 4:2). Our eternal marriage to Christ invites us to give up our rights in our earthly marriage because our Lord has done a thorough job in bringing us to Him and to each other.
6. Prayer. We are still married today because of continual, unceasing prayer. John 17 tells us that Christ prays on behalf of the church—that includes us as individuals and as married partners. The Holy Spirit Himself prays on our behalf in wordless groans (Rom 8:26) especially when, embroiled in struggle and shame, we do not know how to pray. Several relatives and friends have committed themselves to praying for the success of our marriage on a daily basis. And as far as we are concerned, nothing unites our hearts more readily than the moments we set aside for the two of us to actually pray together or pray on each other’s behalf regarding mundane and/or serious matters. I can only hope we will take advantage of such moments more and more till death do us part.
7. Perspective. We have made it to our 15^th anniversary because, when tempted to throw in the towel, we are reminded from the Word that no marital hurdle is too difficult for the heavenly Husbandman, no conjugal issue is too thorny for the One who created marriage in the first place. So we go to Him whose wisdom brought us to this union. We go to trusted friends and counselors who will point us right back to the power of the wonderful Cross. We go to each other to reassess and realign our hearts under the authority of Christ who is the head of the church.
8. Communication. We are still married to each other because the Lord has blessed my wife with the ability and the inclination to be direct with me. There is no beating around the bush, no wishing, no guessing; I know exactly where I stand on any given day. When issues arise (Oh boy! So very many in 15 years), she speaks up. I wish I could say that I always choose the way of the gospel in my response but I can say this: I have learned that communication is the key that both unlocks and locks a relationship. As I receive that truth, I see more and more that Christ is the One who truly communicates through us and to us. He is the One who brings up the difficult topics I would rather ignore. He is the One who perseveres through us in seasons of conflict. He is the One who brings peace when one or both of us are losing control. He is the One who reveals and appeases the volcanic fires that could easily consume our marriage.
9. Protection. We are still moving forward because we pray for the grace to heed the advice of guarding the heart of our marriage at all costs. The devil, the world, and the flesh bombard us constantly with all kinds of negative influences that could attack the sanctity and stability of our relationship. However, remaining in the Vine of Christ, we are shielded from those darts.
10. Vocation. We are still together because our job description as a husband-wife team is found in God’s Word. God has uniquely designed each one of us to fulfill specific roles in His Kingdom. He has created me to encourage people, to listen, to teach, to brighten faces and hearts with words/songs of kindness and grace. He has blessed my wife with the gift of clarity in speaking truth, in diagnosing problems, in demanding excellence, in creating a home environment conducive to growth. Our job is to get out of each other’s way in order that we may tackle the tasks Heaven has put on our plates. When we don’t, we are miserable and that feeling affects our marriage negatively. When we do, we truly delight in the blessedness of working for the Lord together—our marriage thrives on that.
11. Prioritization. We are still married because the Lord graciously teaches us of the need to put Him first. Every once in a while, things are thrown out of balance because we try to put our marriage first or, worse, we try to put each individual first. It does not work any other way; Christ is first. If He is first, then everything will follow suit: our children, our hearts, our conversations, our vacations, our dinners, our gifts to each other will reflect and promote His Kingdom on earth. This is a reason we get to revisit often especially when life’s trials and distractions are pressuring us to prioritize anything but Christ.
12. Forgiveness. I am still married to my wife because she typifies forgiveness as far as I am concerned. When I join her stance and refuse to take the bait of getting offended, our marriage runs so much more smoothly. We are encouraged to make up our minds to forgive both small and huge offenses because Christ has forgiven us so much more. The affronts we both have had to forgive, the obstacles we have had to face and overcome are used by God to make our love grow. They have taught us the value of being the first one to yield, apologize, extend grace, and forgive.
13. Intimacy. We are still married because of emotional, sexual, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy or relatedness. We have learned that the longer we go without connecting emotionally, sexually, intellectually, and spiritually, the more susceptible we are to temptations outside of marriage. We are committed to eradicating words like divorce, separation, and emotional isolation from our vocabulary. And so, we are striving to learn more about ways in which to pursue each other’s heart, body, mind, and soul in romantic and practical terms. We want to be holistically connected because such a level of intimacy reflects the union Christ desires between Him and His bride.
14. Service. Our marital bond grows more secure through acts and hearts of service. We pray often that God would grant us the desire to “wash each other’s feet” in humility through acts of kindness and love especially when it is inconvenient. This is where “in sickness and in health” becomes truly important. In my long grieving season of late, my wife has been such a formidable wall of support for my spinning head. She has often been the pillow upon which I lay my head, the understanding glance that would take the girls out of our bedroom so I could weep freely, the gracious hand that pats me on the back forcing me to trust it will all be fine in God’s time, the kind heart that stays up late to help prepare what I need for the next day.
15. Manners. Lastly, we are still married today because of the gracious principles our respective mothers instilled in us. I cannot find someone who is more lady-like than the stunning bride I have been given. Her lips part effortlessly to grace the world with her “please” and “thank you.” She does not take me for granted. I, for my part, strive daily to treat her like royalty because she is the daughter of the King. Her Abba Father watches me from above. He intimately knows whether my inner attitude and outer behavior agree. Good manners have gone a long way in keeping our blessed knot secure for the past 15 years.

In the end, the first reason—grace—is the glue that keeps us united. It is grace that both keeps and leads us home. It is grace that keeps honey flowing and coats both of our hearts to the glory of God. It is God’s faithful grace that will cause our marriage to last and prevail though the mountains quake and fall into the heart of the sea.

“O to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be!”