Hello to you, my friends, on this 14th morning of Advent!
I have a confession to make: I am still hurting.
I know Christmas is coming and I know that everything will work according to God’s plan . . . but I still miss my sister AND my brother AND my father AND all the departed loved ones of my recent past. I had a few minutes to myself last night (solitude, though often my best friend, has been the instigator of many crying sessions lately) and my mind went on auto pilot. Last year at this time, my brother's death was fresh and my sister's full cancer diagnosis/prognosis was weighing heavily upon me. “You look weighed down,” my wife said to me this morning with concern registered in her eyes and voice.
She is right.
So right.
The words of Meredith Willson's "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas" sound hollow to my ear this morning. There was a time when lyrics such as "with candy canes and silver lanes aglow" or "toys in every store" or "soon the bells will start" would readily put me in the "holiday" spirit.
Not today.
This morning, as I genuinely think of Advent, my heart resonates more voluntarily with Job's words, "My face is red with weeping, and on my eyelids is deep darkness" (Job 16:16, ESV).
I am hurting.
I am grieving.
No, my mourning does not indicate that I am wallowing in self-pity nor does it suggest that I am indulging in whining or grumbling. Rather, since Advent beckons me to take an honest look at my heart, I am choosing to gratefully comply.
As I allow my grief to erupt fully and my tears to flow freely, the Father pours out His grace over me. He opens my mind and heart and body to ascertain that the trials I face are glorious tests—not the kinds intending to show me how strong I am, but the kinds heavenly tasked to reveal to me how needy I am.
Yes, I am needy.
I need the gracious eyes of Christ to weep with mine. I need His tender hands to wipe away my tears in due time. I need His robust and warm arms to envelop my frame and comfort me. I need His loving and soothing voice to serenade me. I need His ancient, ever-true, life-giving words to strike my eardrums and reverberate and transform my heart into the knowledge of God and the likeness of Christ.
I need Him.
I need Him.
I need Him.
“Lord, I need You, O I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
O Lord, how I need You.”
As He comes and fills my need, it will surely be CHRIST-mas in my heart and I will certainly be in a HOLY-day spirit—the unending Advent of His abounding grace and love sanctifying and purifying me into the fullness of His glory!
O, come, Lord Jesus!
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